The woman who brought me back from the brink of hopelessness
Dedicated to Dr June Alexander, the woman who brought me back from the brink of hopelessness and carnage of Anorexia Nervosa.
The Diary Healer.
Responded to an email message from a lost and frightened girl.
Living with a desperate plea to survive.
The girl wrote that she had a story that would not disappoint and one The Diary Healer woman would not regret reading.
The girl poured her heart out, exposed her raw vulnerability.
Because the girl had started to lose hope in her life.
Hope in the world, hope in recovery and the hope for someone to reach their hand out and help her up.
The woman took in the words, and read her pain while the girl anxiously waited for a response.
But was the girl worth her words, her pain, and her struggles, or was she worthy of recovery?
Would the woman turn the girl away, the way all before had done, isolating her, leaving her to sit and deteriorate day by day?
“After all,” the girl thought, “What harm can be done, I have nothing more to lose; the worst that can be is another ‘no’.”
The girl was tired, she didn’t sleep often, and she could barely eat.
The kind woman responded, “Never give up, I look forward to reading your story to consider for submission.”
The girl felt something she hadn’t in a long time, hope.
Submission or not, someone wanted to hear about her experience, which was a foreign feeling to her.
The weary and tired girl typed out her soul and submitted her piece.
The woman edited and published her piece onto her website, The Diary Healer: https://thediaryhealer.com/2021/11/08/living-with-autism-and-anorexia-nervosa-exposing-cracks-in-care/
This is where healing started to begin for the girl, even if she didn’t know quite yet.
The first of many pages, and the start of a journey towards recovery began before she was even aware.
The woman was now her mentor, her editor and most importantly of all, her friend.
The woman was Dr June Alexander and, no surprise, the girl was me.
A new life was starting, a new journey, a friendship, and a newfound hope.
I found a way to openly express myself, I found encouragement to be my true self, and my self-doubt was shedding instead of my weight for once.
I gained cognitive functioning with nutritional support to be able to do what I love — to write, I needed to use my mind and to use the mind I needed fuel.
In correspondence with June, I met one of the most beautiful people I have come to know. June shared her own battles, and her own strengths; we shared them together openly and I began to think and live without the shameof anorexia suffocating me.
I had to learn what was most important, what I wanted? Or was it what I needed?
We began talking about goals, one of which was a website where, like June, I can reach others in need, while also attending to my own creative expression, my health, and keeping myself accountable.
My website was achieved with the help and support of June and an amazing woman named Min, who does web design. My platform was created from my written words and her brilliance in building what I could only have once dreamed of.
Through the tears, struggles, pages of writing, and collaborating, Living with Autism & Anorexia is now my ownspecial place to share with like-minded others. I could not have come this far without the patience and support I received.
June flows with passion, love, and care.
One hour with June can dry your tears and lead you towards hope.
Now June has decided that it is time to move on.
June, while everything must come to an end, and continue a new journey, you will forever live in my heart and memories.
June, while everything must come to an end, and continue a new journey, you will forever live in my heart and memories.
I will never forget the chance you gave me, the love you shared, and the ongoing encouragement you show.
Despite my fear and feeling of being blindfolded and spun around and made to walk in a straight line without guidance in the right direction from now on, as my mentor you have taught me to trust myself, so I will.
We may be diverging a little to follow different paths, but knowing what you have taught me, my path will never be a lonely one.
I feel more than I can express; it’s through a heavy heart and tears that I say thank you, I wish you all the best and I love you as my mentor, but most of all as my friend.
I hope that I one day can help others, the way you helped me.
To give hope to others the way you have given hope to me, and to find healing the way The Diary Healer helped heal a part of me.
June, you have impacted my life in a way I never knew could be possible and, while it pains me deeply to say this is the end of our story, I will always be only a word away.
For another story by Sarah, see:
https://thediaryhealer.com/2022/02/15/confronting-fears-on-the-path-to-freedom-from-an-eating-disorder/
